I Like You…Don’t Mess It Up

As a solopreneur (read: a one-man band) I have to fix my own IT. My local IT-guy is a special person. Totally uninterested in anyone else but himself and has an opinion on everything. Recognise the type?

He told me today that he doesn’t need to learn persuasion because he already knows all about it. [Er, I have an alternative perspective.]

And this, dear reader, is what most people think.

They may think they’re a natural “persuader” or have read a book or two, and that’s the subject mastered. High-five.

[By the way, I DO think that some people are more natural at persuasion than others, but because persuasion is based on science, it can be taught.  And learnt by anyone.]

But just because you think you know about the principles of persuasion doesn’t mean that you really know them, know how to apply them, or know how to apply them effectively.

Let’s take the principle of liking, which states, “Others say yes to us more when they know WE genuinely like THEM”.

Sounds simple and intuitive, doesn’t it?

Despite its simplicity, unless you understand the subtle nuances that lie behind it, it’s easy to bungle this powerful principle. You’ll have wasted an opportunity to ethically persuade the other person, snaffling defeat when victory was assured.

Let’s take a look at a handful of common mistakes when applying this principle.

1.      You need to get them to like YOU first – this is still a mantra that’s taught in some sales training. Actually, no-one cares how much you know until you show them how much you care. When someone feels that you want to serve their interests, liking will skyrocket.

2.      Fake liking – it’s just not worth faking it. Insincerity is not a celebrated trait and will do your persuasion efforts more harm, and may knock your relationship back a step.

3.      Rushing the process – people feel uncomfortable if your liking efforts are rushed or forced. It feels a bit transactional.

4.      Focusing on insignificant traits – “oh my goodness, we both like the same colour, yellow”. This superficial similarity won’t activate the principle. Instead, do your homework to find deeper similarities.

5.      Neglecting to adapt to the other person’s communication style – there are only 2 situations when you can be yourself: when you’re alone in a room and when you’re in a room full of people exactly like you.

There are heaps more pitfalls for just this one principle. And dozens more for all of the 7 principles.

Being aware of these nuances will keep your persuasion journey with your customers, suppliers or colleagues firmly on-track.

 If you’re in sales, procurement, HR or anywhere else where you need to persuade people to move towards you, get in touch.

I like you.