It’s that magical time of the year for hundreds of millions of us…(Ed: erm, actually we’re talking about a handful of folks in western Europe, Martin) ok, maybe not hundreds of millions, but at least a good handful, where the Six Nations rugby tournament is upon us.

 For those not familiar with rugby, it’s a rough and tumble kind of game, where the players pretend not to be injured for 80 minutes, continuing through bone breaks, bleeding heads and torn ears. This contrasts to football, or soccer, where the players pretend to BE injured for the game’s duration. [I await a post-bag full of hate mail after that flippant remark!]

 And for those not familiar with the tournament, it sees nations who often share a mutual, deep-seated dislike of each other, competing over a 5-game tournament. Despite these fervent rivalries for 80 mins on the pitch, players do actually have a genuine respect for one another off the field. Now there’s a paradox.

 Anyway, there’s the scene set.

However, these professional referees are absolute models of calm assertiveness. Seriously. I have total respect for them, and this respect is cranked up to #11 for female referees like Stéphanie Frappart officiating in men’s sport.

Let me give you the example though, of rugby referee Wayne Barnes of England. Now, lots of people have an opinion on Wayne Barnes, particularly the non-English, and it’s seldom positive. And the terms used to describe him aren’t printable here.

 But, I’ll stand-up for Wayne though (even as a Welshman) because he demonstrates time and time again some outstanding assertiveness practices from which we could all learn:

 1.       He is always respectful to the players (and hence the players are more respectful to him).

2.       He is calm and unflappable.

3.       He communicates openly and transparently, explaining his decision-making (albeit, only where necessary – he’s the ref, after all).

4.       While the rules of the game are fixed, there are always interpretations. Wayne sets out the boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not, clearly.

5.       He adopts a confident, calm and balanced tone with his instructions, never getting shrill (despite how he may be feeling inside).

6.       He displays total conviction in his decision-making.

7.       He is humble enough to admit when he’s wrong (OK, I made this one up for Wayne, but it’s a good one to note for the rest of us!)

 Whether it’s Wayne Barnes, or another rugby referee, or sports officials more widely, have a look at them closely next time and see if you don’t marvel at their powers of assertiveness.

 If you think that your team would benefit from learning how to be more assertive, please get in touch.