Successful negotiation - what is “tactical empathy”?
The psychology of negotiation has always fascinated me, and while reading the book by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, called “Never split the difference” (which you should read, by the way) it got me thinking about how to get the best out of your negotiation counterpart in any given negotiation.
Given the nature of the kind of negotiations in which Voss dealt, there are no examples of macho fist-banging, overt threats, or aggression that one sometimes encounters in the business world.
Voss describes a technique he uses by way of an extension of empathy called “tactical empathy”. As well as a host of other techniques, he cites this approach as the most powerful way of getting the other side to give you what you want.
While empathy is defined as “the ability to recognise the position of the counterpart, and the vocalisation of that recognition”, tactical empathy goes deeper by, in addition, aiming to understand what lies behind the feelings expressed by the counterpart so that the negotiator can increase their influence throughout the process. Voss describes tactical empathy as “emotional intelligence on steroids”.
This skill calls for adopting a vocal pace and tone that exudes an ultra-calmness (think Zeb Soames reading the news on BBC Radio 4) and then relies on lots of delicately phrased open questions to get to the real issues behind the superficial demands of the counterpart. This is all underpinned by acute listening skills (something which many of us Procurement folks could do with developing – me included) replaying the counterpart’s statements back to them (aka “mirroring”) so that they feel genuinely heard and understood.
Not being an aggressive person by nature, I’m an enormous advocate of this approach and have used it throughout my career. It’s not macho, and if you’re into feeling like you need to wield your buyer-power it’s not for you, but it is incredibly effective to help you get what you want from a negotiation.
You’ll learn about tactical empathy on my 1-day Negotiation course. If you think that your team would benefit from Negotiation training, please do get in touch as I’d be delighted to help.
The best days lie ahead.
Martin
